I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
