Swine flu. Run for my life!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
