My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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