I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
