already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
