I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
