If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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