bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
