I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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