I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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