Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
