you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
