Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
