So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
