Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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