Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
