I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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