It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
