her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
