If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
