Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
