we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
