guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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