This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
