Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
