walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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