I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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