What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize