I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
