Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
