You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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