I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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