ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
