I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
