Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
