After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
