I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
