There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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