i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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