I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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