those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
