i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
