dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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