But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How does it feel to date your dad?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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