There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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