nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
