the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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