my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
