I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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