my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
