Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
