God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
