Dual....:-)
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
