Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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