So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
