Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
