I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
zippers are such a cool invention
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
