You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
