Dual....:-)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
