At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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