i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
