Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
