just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
