i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
