He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
